LinkedIn roast

LinkedIn Roast Skill#

Overview#

This skill delivers hilarious, savage-but-friendly roasts of LinkedIn profiles. Think Comedy Central Roast meets corporate networking. The goal is to make people laugh at the absurdities of professional self-presentation while staying playful and never genuinely hurtful.

Philosophy: "We only roast the ones we love" - Friars Club

Golden Rules of LinkedIn Roasting#

DO Roast#

NEVER Roast#

Roast Structure#

1. The Opening Burn (Hook)#

Start with your strongest, most specific observation. Make it immediate and punchy.

Example: "I opened your LinkedIn profile and my browser asked if I wanted to translate it from Corporate Buzzword to English."

2. Section-by-Section Destruction#

Photo/Visual Roast:

• Arms-crossed power pose? Conference selfies? Stock photo energy?
• Missing photo = fair game for mystery jokes

Headline Roast:

• Vague descriptions, buzzword density, title inflation
• "What do you actually DO?"

About Section Roast:

• Length (too long = manifesto, too short = lazy)
• Third person writing ("John is a visionary...")
• Humble brags disguised as origin stories

Experience Roast:

• Vague accomplishments, missing metrics
• Job title inflation ("Chief Happiness Officer")
• Duration at jobs, number of "new adventures"

Skills/Endorsements Roast:

• Irrelevant skills, endorsement farming
• "Expert" in basic software

Activity/Posts Roast:

• LinkedIn influencer behavior, engagement bait
• "Agree? 👇" posts, motivational content

Missing Elements Roast:

• Empty sections = roast the mystery
• No recommendations = nobody likes them enough to write one?

3. The Callback/Closer#

End with either:

• A devastating one-liner that ties back to the opening
• A fake "compliment" that's actually a burn
• A sarcastic "career advice" suggestion

Comedy Techniques#

Exaggeration & Hyperbole#

Take something true and blow it up to absurd proportions.

"Your About section is so long, I had to take a lunch break in the middle of reading it."

Unexpected Comparisons#

Link the professional to something surprising.

"Your headline has more buzzwords than a TED talk given by a chatbot."

Fake Compliments#

Sounds nice, isn't.

"I love how your profile photo says 'I'm approachable' while your headline says 'I will leverage synergies at you.'"

Self-Referential LinkedIn Jokes#

Mock the platform itself through their profile.

"You have 47 endorsements for 'Communication' from people who have never actually communicated with you."

The Specific Callback#

Reference something unique from THEIR profile for maximum impact.

"I see you listed 'Creative Problem Solving' as a skill - is that how you describe explaining the gap between 2018 and 2021?"

Roast Template#

# 🔥 LINKEDIN ROAST: [Name] 🔥

**Roast Heat Level**: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ [1-5 peppers]
**Verdict**: [One-line devastating summary]

---

## The Opening Burn
[Strongest, most memorable joke about the overall profile vibe]

## Profile Photo Roast
[2-3 jokes about their photo or lack thereof]

## Headline Destruction
[Mock their headline, especially buzzwords or vagueness]

## About Section Apocalypse
[Roast the length, content, humble brags, or absence]

## Experience Examination
[Mock vague accomplishments, job-hopping, title inflation]

## Skills & Endorsements Evisceration
[Roast irrelevant skills, endorsement farming]

## Activity Annihilation (if visible)
[Roast their posting behavior, engagement bait]

## The Missing Pieces
[Roast empty sections, what they're hiding]

## The Closing Burn
[Final devastating one-liner or fake career advice]

---

**Afterburn**: [One genuine compliment to show it's all in good fun]

Workflow with Claude for Chrome#

Step 1: Get Tab Context#

→ tabs_context_mcp (createIfEmpty: false)
→ Get LinkedIn profile tab ID

Step 2: Capture the Profile#

→ computer (action: "screenshot", tabId: [id])
→ Get visual of profile photo, banner, above-the-fold content

Step 3: Extract Text Content#

→ get_page_text (tabId: [id])
→ Get full profile text for analysis

Step 4: Navigate & Dig Deeper#

→ Scroll to Experience, Skills, Activity sections
→ Take additional screenshots if needed
→ Look for posts/activity to roast

Step 5: Generate the Roast#

• Use gathered intel to write specific, personalized burns
• Reference ACTUAL content from their profile
• Apply comedy techniques from this skill

Example Roasts#

For a Buzzword-Heavy Profile:

"Your headline contains so many buzzwords that it could be used as a corporate Mad Libs template. 'Dynamic thought leader leveraging synergies to drive paradigm shifts' - are you a business professional or a random word generator with a LinkedIn Premium subscription?"

For a Missing Photo:

"No profile photo? Bold choice. You're either in witness protection, your headshot is held hostage by a photographer you ghosted, or you're actually three kids in a trenchcoat trying to get a job. All equally plausible."

For a Vague About Section:

"Your About section says you're 'passionate about helping businesses grow.' That's like a dating profile saying you 'enjoy fun.' WHAT do you do? HOW do you help? I've read your entire profile and I still couldn't explain your job to my grandmother."

For Excessive Self-Promotion:

"I counted 14 uses of 'I' in your About section. At this point, you're not a thought leader - you're a thought narcissist. Steve Jobs talked about himself less, and he literally named a company after himself."

Roast Levels Guide#

Default roast level: 🌶️🌶️🌶️ (Spicy) unless user specifies otherwise.

Important Reminders#

1. Specificity is King: Generic roasts are lazy. Reference THEIR actual content.
2. Punch at the Behavior, Not the Person: Mock LinkedIn culture through their profile.
3. End with Love: Always include one genuine compliment at the end.
4. Know Your Audience: Adjust heat level based on context.
5. Never Cross the Line: Funny > Mean. If a joke could genuinely hurt, cut it.

Supporting file: assets/roast_report_template.md#

🔥 LINKEDIN ROAST REPORT 🔥#

Target: [FULL NAME]#

[CURRENT HEADLINE]#

🌶️ Roast Heat Level: [1-5 peppers] ⏱️ Time to Read: Long enough for them to question their life choices 📊 Roastability Score: [X]/10

💀 THE VERDICT#

[One devastating sentence summary of the profile]

🎯 THE OPENING BURN#

[Strongest, most memorable observation about the overall profile vibe. Make it punchy and specific.]

📸 PHOTO ROAST#

What we're working with: [Describe the photo or lack thereof]

[2-3 targeted jokes about their photo choice, pose, background, or absence]

📝 HEADLINE DESTRUCTION#

Their headline: "[Exact headline]"

[3-4 jokes dissecting the buzzwords, vagueness, or absurdity]

📖 ABOUT SECTION APOCALYPSE#

Word count: [X] words Humble brags detected: [X] Clarity level: [Low/Medium/High/Off the charts]

[3-4 jokes about length, content, writing style, or what's missing]

💼 EXPERIENCE EXAMINATION#

Jobs listed: [X] Vague accomplishments: [X] Actual metrics provided: [X]

[3-4 jokes about their career progression, job descriptions, or missing details]

🎯 SKILLS & ENDORSEMENTS EVISCERATION#

Skills listed: [X] Top endorsed skill: "[Skill]" with [X] endorsements Most questionable skill: "[Skill]"

[2-3 jokes about irrelevant skills, endorsement farming, or expertise claims]

📱 ACTIVITY ANNIHILATION#

Recent posts: [X] Engagement bait detected: [Yes/No/They ARE the engagement bait] LinkedIn Influencer Index: [Low/Medium/High/Terminal]

[2-3 jokes about posting habits, content style, or silence]

❓ THE MISSING PIECES#

[What's NOT on their profile that should be - roast the gaps, empty sections, or suspicious absences]

🔥 THE CLOSING BURN#

[Final devastating one-liner or fake "career advice" that ties everything together]

💝 AFTERBURN (The Genuine Part)#

Roasting aside...

[One authentic, kind observation about something they're actually doing well or a genuine strength you noticed. This shows it's all in good fun.]

Disclaimer: This roast is meant for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual career advice is purely coincidental. Remember: We only roast the ones we love (or at least find amusing enough to mock). 🔥

Generated by the LinkedIn Roast Skill • "We turn professional profiles into comedic gold"

Supporting file: references/roast_templates.md#

LinkedIn Roast Templates & Joke Patterns#

Headline Roast Templates#

Buzzword Counter:

"Your headline has [X] buzzwords in [Y] words. That's a buzzword-per-word ratio of [Z]%. The Geneva Convention considers this verbal warfare."

The Clarification Request:

"Your headline says '[their headline]'. I read it five times and I still don't know what you do. Are you a consultant? A wizard? A professional sentence builder?"

The Comparison:

"Your headline reads like someone threw a business textbook into a blender with a motivational poster."

The Generic Callout:

"You could swap your headline with any other '[industry]' professional on LinkedIn and nobody would notice. You're the human equivalent of a stock photo."

Photo Roast Templates#

Missing Photo:

"No photo? You're either on the run, chronically photogenic-challenged, or your last headshot is being held hostage by a photographer you never paid."

Arms Crossed:

"Ah, the classic 'arms crossed' power pose. Nothing says 'approachable business partner' like the body language of a nightclub bouncer."

Conference Stage:

"Your profile photo is you on a stage somewhere. We get it, you spoke once at an event with 12 attendees. That doesn't make you Tony Robbins."

Outdated Photo:

"Based on the resolution and fashion choices, I'm guessing this photo was taken sometime between 2008 and the invention of front-facing cameras."

Too Casual:

"Your profile photo looks like it was cropped from a beach vacation. Nothing screams 'hire me for serious business' like a visible Hawaiian shirt collar."

About Section Roast Templates#

Too Long:

"Your About section is [X] words. That's not a summary, that's a memoir. Even your autobiography would have an abridged version."

Too Short:

"Your About section is [X] words. I've seen more detailed fortune cookie messages. What are you hiding?"

Third Person:

"You wrote your About section in third person. '[Name] is a passionate professional...' Did you hire someone to write about yourself, or do you just refer to yourself in third person at dinner parties too?"

Humble Brag Pattern:

"Your About section contains [X] humble brags. 'I reluctantly accepted my award...' We get it, you're great. Subtlety isn't your strength."

Missing CTA:

"Your About section has no call to action. What do you want people to do after reading this? Just... admire you from afar?"

Experience Roast Templates#

Vague Accomplishments:

"'Drove growth.' 'Led initiatives.' 'Spearheaded innovation.' These aren't accomplishments, these are word clouds. Did you actually DO anything, or just supervise nouns?"

Title Inflation:

"In 5 years, you went from 'Coordinator' to 'Senior Director of Strategic Innovation.' That's not a career, that's a title Pokémon evolution."

Job Hopping:

"You've had [X] jobs in [Y] years. Your LinkedIn is less 'career journey' and more 'employment speed dating.'"

Founder of Everything:

"You're listed as 'Founder' of [X] companies. Are any of them still operating, or is this more of a participation trophy situation?"

Missing Metrics:

"'Increased efficiency.' By how much? 1%? 1000%? The mystery is killing me. Without numbers, this is just creative writing."

Skills & Endorsements Roast Templates#

Microsoft Office:

"You have 47 endorsements for Microsoft Excel. We've all opened a spreadsheet, my friend. That's not a skill, that's clicking an icon."

Irrelevant Skills:

"Your skills include '[weird skill]'. I'm dying to know when that last came up in a quarterly review."

Endorsement Farming:

"You have 99+ endorsements for '[skill]' from people who have never seen you do it. LinkedIn endorsements: where reciprocity meets delusion."

Skill Overload:

"You've listed [X] skills. At this point, this isn't a skill section - it's a cry for help disguised as competence."

Activity/Post Roast Templates#

Engagement Bait:

"Your posts end with 'Agree? 👇' more often than actual sentences. That's not engagement, that's peer pressure with emojis."

LinkedIn Influencer:

"You posted [X] times this month. You're not building your personal brand - you're slowly becoming LinkedIn's full-time content creator. Does your actual job know about this?"

Motivational Content:

"Your feed is 80% motivational quotes over stock photos of sunrises. LinkedIn isn't Pinterest. We can tell the difference."

Humble Brag Posts:

"'I'm humbled to announce...' followed by a brag. You know 'humbled' doesn't mean what you think it means, right? Humility and self-congratulation are mutually exclusive."

That Story Format:

"Another 'inspirational story' post where you helped someone and learned a valuable lesson. Did everyone clap at the end? Did that someone's name? Albert Einstein?"

Missing Information Templates#

No Recommendations:

"Zero recommendations. Either you're incredibly private, or everyone who could recommend you is still in their cooling-off period."

Empty Featured Section:

"Your Featured section is empty. What are you hiding? Your best work, or evidence that you don't have any?"

No Posts:

"No activity. You're a LinkedIn ghost - you haunt the platform but leave no trace. Very mysterious. Very unemployable-looking."

Incomplete Profile:

"Your profile is [X]% complete. That's the same completion rate as my New Year's resolutions."

Closing Burn Templates#

Career Advice:

"My career advice for you? Maybe try a different platform. Tinder has a word limit too, but at least people there expect vague descriptions."

The Callback:

"In conclusion, you've managed to create a profile that says everything and nothing simultaneously. You're not a professional - you're a paradox with a Premium subscription."

The Fake Compliment:

"On a positive note, if LinkedIn ever needs an example of 'generic profile' for their help section, you're a shoo-in."

The Question:

"After reviewing your profile, I have just one question: Does your employer know you spend this much time on your personal brand instead of working?"

Afterburn (Genuine Compliments)#

Always end with something kind:

• "But for real, [specific genuine strength] shows you've got actual chops."
• "Jokes aside, [something positive about their career/experience]."
• "In all seriousness, [genuine observation] is impressive."
• "Roasting aside, you seem like someone who's [positive trait] - that's more than most profiles can claim."
• "Real talk: [authentic compliment]. The rest is just LinkedIn being LinkedIn."